No Regrets

I lived in Germany with my mother’s parents from October 2017 to March 2018. I decided to do a semester at the local university and simultaneously spend some time with grandparents that I only got to see once a year- and that was if I was lucky.

My grandfather passed away about a week and a half ago. He was 84. He was also in the largest police choir in east Hesse for several decades… I want to say about 50 years… he LOVED music and singing!

In December, he asked me if I wanted to attend the Christmas concert they always put on with the children’s choir each year. My grandmother warned me that the children’s choir wasn’t particularly good and that I didn’t have to go if I didn’t want to.

It didn’t take me long to agree to go because I knew I’d probably never get the chance to see him perform again and I didn’t even know the next time I’d be able to go to Germany. I haven’t been back since I left in March 2018, so looking back, I am SO incredibly happy that I was able to see him perform.

The children’s choir was very boring, yes, but the police choir was awesome. There was also a soloist who sang Hallelujah and it even brought some of the kids to tears- so cute.

The last picture I have of me and my grandpa is one with my grandma as well. We were at a family member’s birthday party and it was a very social and very exciting event- I had a blast. And my grandpa looked so happy!

Even though we live on opposite sides of the Atlantic ocean, I still have an amazing relationship with my grandparents. We text and video-chat and it was really important to me to study over there/live over there at one point in my life. I’m really really glad I was able to make that happen.

The Freedom of "Not Caring" (in school addition)

When I was younger (ages 10 to 14, I’d say), I had this idea that all of shirts needed to be tight. I also needed my shirts to be pulled down at least halfway over my bottom. I didn’t feel like I looked good if this wasn’t the case. I can’t really explain why I felt this way, but I did. This was only relevant to the clothes I wore when I went to school. At home, I was always in shorts and tank tops running around the backyard.

All throughout grade school and into my first 2 years of college, I would hold my pee until the end of class because I didn’t want people looking at me as I walked out the door and also when I inevitably came back.

While being early to anything is generally a good move, there might be such a thing as being too early. I am still this way today, but for different reasons. Today, I am early to all my classes so I can choose the best spot and have some quiet time before the lecture. However, in grade school I was only early to school/class so that there would be less people to look at me as I walked in.

I used to have SUPER long hair (I’m trying to grow it out again!) and when I wore it in a ponytail, for a period of time, I was convinced that I only looked good if it swung back and forth when I walked. Thinking back on that now, I laugh.

I used to not blow my nose in class because I didn’t want people looking or hearing the ungodly noises coming out of my nostrils.

Okay, so I will stop writing of all of my past insecurities to interject with this: Today, I don’t care about blowing my nose in class, getting up to pee, walking in a little later, the shape of my shirts, and whether or not my hair swings.

Between growing up a little bit and getting more comfortable with all parts of myself, I just don’t care about the general public’s opinions anymore. I figure if I don’t really pay attention to people getting up to pee in class, why the hell would they be paying any attention to me when I’m getting up? Also, I don’t care about people’s clothes- either I like them or I don’t. I don’t make any substantial assumptions about someone if their shirts aren’t tucked or shaped a certain way.

I mean this next sentence in the nicest and most reassuring way possible: The bottom line is that you and I are not of enough interest to people to be constantly judged or shamed or looked at. 99% of the time, people are thinking about themselves and if they are the ones looking weird. They don’t care about you in that way! So, please, just be yourself, look good for yourself, be nice to yourself, and give yourself a fucking break.

Go pee, ya’ll- no one cares.

A Sad and Anxious First Day of School

Yesterday was day one of my Spring 2020 semester. I had only one class at 12:30pm. As per usual, I arrived an hour and a half early to make time for traffic, me getting lost, and any other emergency situations.

Turns out that I made the right decision in getting to campus ridiculously early because I spent 40 minutes trying to find parking that wasn’t full and would also accept my budget card that I just loaded $105 on. I finally found the sketchiest parking deck on campus; it also happened to be the one furthest from my class, so I got a nice walk in too.

The actual class was fine, but because of it being a new professor, new classmates, new room, new seat, etc., I was feeling a little jittery. I also hadn’t eaten enough or drank enough water- that’s on me. The whole parking situation didn’t help either, of course.

Unfortunately, my German grandfather also just died- as I was walking to class, actually, my mother texted me and my sister. So, that sucks. My mom just got back from Germany 5 days ago and now she’s going back for the funeral.

I have one of my evening classes today. I am trying to plan where to park because when I get out of my class it will be dark. I will attempt to park where I normally park because it’ll be after normal hours and the deck will hopefully not be full at that time.

Work update: work is going well, I hope they’ll ask me to be full-time soon.

Welcome to the New Year!

I must begin my first post of 2020 by saying that I was unfortunate enough to end my holidays with some not so great news: my German grandfather is in a coma with meningitis, pneumonia, and sepsis. He’s in his mid 80s, so it doesn’t look great. My mother flew home on December 24th and she’s coming back tomorrow. He hasn’t woken up yet, but she has to return to work.

I spent the last week of December dog sitting and taking care of my sick girlfriend; fast forward a few days and it was her taking care of a sick me.

A fever, a cough, some vomiting, a visit to urgent care, and an ear infection later, I am on day 4 of antibiotics and day 2 of being back at work. I am still coughing up a storm, but overall I feel much better.

Our Christmas tree is still up, our apartment looks a fright, and I haven’t baked in what feels like months! I also made an extensive physical and mental list of things I want in 2020 for myself and for my relationship with Chelsea (spoiler: it involves lots of travel!), but I haven’t had a chance to start on any of it on account of my getting sick.

I was supposed to have 4 teeth removed yesterday, but I had to reschedule that, so that’s happening next Friday. Woohoo. Braces are still on for January 30th.

School begins next Monday. I am taking 4 classes. 3 of them are HR classes and 1 of them is a marketing class. I am excited, but I am nervous because 2 of my classes are evening classes; I go to school in downtown Atlanta and I park in a parking garage that is known for armed robberies and assaults. With the days becoming dark very early, I’ll have to watch my back walking to and from my car and class.

I shall now bake brownies!

Feeling a Little Low

The 2019 Fall semester is finally over. I ended the year with 2 As, 2 Bs, and 1 C. I realized too late- with the help of people who care about me- that I started the school year with too much on my plate. I was able to drop one of my classes, but, in reality, I should have never taken 6 to begin with; I think 3 or 4 would have been more reasonable considering I’d been away from college for almost 2 years.

2 of my friends recently graduated. I suppose that 1 of them should be considered more of an acquaintance now because we haven’t hung out regularly since 2016. There were others that I went to high school with that graduated this May, too. While I’ve come slowly come to the decision to let myself run only on my timeline, I still find it difficult to look at photos of people who started college at the same time as I did, but only one of us is done. I don’t doubt my capabilities of finishing school and I don’t regret my choice to take a break from it, but my desire to be done with my degree is still very strong.

This was the first semester that I finally got a professor I felt was worth my time and money. She made class interactive, educational, and overall enjoyable. The topics were applicable to both school and work. She gave real-life examples and encouraged questions and discussions. I’m glad I had her because, in short, I hate school and that hasn’t changed. She made the first semester back a better experience and she made the decision to sign up for more classes just a tad easier, too.

I’ve had a lot of family stuff go on this year- more than usual, it seems. As always, I am never really in the conflict/situation, but I am the neutral party, the middleman, you get it. The most pressing “thing” is currently my youngest sister and my family expects me to “talk some sense into her” when I see her on Monday. We’ll see how that goes. I’ve given my two cents, but I try not to be too overbearing.

Work has been fine. I felt that they hinted at a promotion a few months back, but I feel that I misunderstood. I also gave a co-worker (on behalf of my boss’) a $1400 bonus. The co-worker is moving to California, and I’m sure they just wanted to thank her for her time and wish her the best. I feel the same, of course, but I’d be lying if I said I wan’t expecting the rest of us to get something. The last payroll was already run (by yours truly) last Wednesday, so there is little chance of the situation changing.

On to my teeth. Braces, braces, braces. The usual pain of braces came and went in a matter of days. However, the pain inside of my jaw and into my head has not left. I believe it is because the braces are trying to straighten teeth when there is no room to straighten them to. I am getting 4 teeth pulled on January 6th, but until then, they’re just pushing on each other and causing me daily and nightly pain. It’s great.

I am currently dog-sitting. I’ve dog-sat for this family for several years and they’ve been in 3 different houses. Normally, there is a note with an envelope of cash. This time, there was just a note. I won’t say anything until they return because there has been a previous occasion where I was paid after the fact.

The other family I am dog-sitting for on the 26th just texted me asking if $25/night was good. In the past, I charged $40. I said $25 was fine because the too-nice-person-that-lives-inside-of-me was saying, “it’s the holidays, what if they can’t afford more?” Obviously, this was the wrong answer, but here we are.

This post is just a big complaining session and I am aware of that. I am usually quite vocal about my appreciation of my friends, family, and other joys in my life, but this semester has been hard. It’s also not been fun being apart from my girlfriend; she’s visiting her family in California until the 27th, so I’m flying solo down here.

I’m sure it’s just going to be one of those days for me. It’ll get better once I’m with my family, I’m sure.

My Holiday Thus Far

The Holiday Season began, for me, the moment October kissed us goodbye. My girlfriend and I were given a 3 foot Christmas Tree by my grandparents and we set that sucker up immediately. That same day, my Meemaw also invited Chelsea to Thanksgiving. I’ve never had a partner at Thanksgiving, so this was an exciting first.

So, Thanksgiving comes around. My entire immediate family was actually not in town. My mother and stepdad were in Florida. My dad and stepmom were hosting their own Thanksgiving elsewhere (we did end up visiting them later). My sister was also in Florida and got to spend some time with mom.

Ever since my therapist told me to go into the holiday season with a more open mind, I wasn’t as nervous as I might have been otherwise about introducing my girlfriend to the family. This half of my family is quite conservative and religious; however, we actually had a wonderful time. The only person who I felt gave us a little bit of a hard time was my aunt, but I don’t think it was meant maliciously.

As Thanksgiving came to an end and the Christmas music crept through our radios, I started baking and planning and, as of yesterday, making eggnog. In fact, I’ve decided to conduct an experiment and make many types of eggnog in order to find the one that reigns over them all. There will be a few non-alcoholic versions due to the fact that my girlfriend doesn’t like to consume what she thinks tastes like medicine. I mean, she’s not wrong- many medicines contain alcohol.

Anyway, Chelsea leaves for California next week and I will begin dog-sitting, spending time with mom, and then dog-sitting some more. My work has demanded that no one work the week of Christmas, so I had to come up with another form of income. School has also come to an end and I am actually really looking forward to next semester even though this one just about killed me. I have one final exam tomorrow (on a Saturday!!??) at 4:15pm. I’m not thrilled about it, but I’m sure it’ll be fine.

Happy holidays, everyone!

So I Have Braces: Documenting My Experience With Georgia School of Orthodontics and Having Braces the Second Time Around [as an Adult]

Timeline of events:

  • 2009- Megan had full braces, top and bottom
  • 2010- Megan accidentally throws away her retainer with her lunch at school and her mother refuses to buy her another one
  • 2014-2018 Megan’s teeth begin to visibly shift, especially the top front two
  • 2019- Megan decides to get braces again because it has now become a minor insecurity and it can only go more downhill from here

Why Georgia School of Orthodontics?

So, I actually went to my dentist at the time, Dental One, to see their Orthodontist, but I didn’t like the doctor himself or the words that came out of his mouth. Dental One, in general, has given me some grief.

My mother forwarded me GSO’s info shortly thereafter and I made an appointment to get a free consultation. It was easy, straightforward, and $1000-$2000 less than what Dental One quoted me. Unfortunately, similarly to what Dental One said, GSO claimed that I would most likely need to get some teeth extracted to make room for the newly straightened ones.

I have insurance; however, there’s a certain amount available for Orthodontic treatment and younger Megan already used all of that up, so adult Megan would be paying for this out of pocket. Sad face.

The cost breakdown, for me, is down below. Please note that this can be different for everyone because of the type of braces (traditional, ceramic, invisiline), lack of insurance or not, how many teeth you’re getting pulled, if any, and will you require any other surgeries or procedures?

  • Braces: ceramic on the top and traditional on the bottom: $3,336
    • I made a downpayment of about $550 before starting treatment
    • I am choosing to make monthly payments of $99/month for about 2 years to cover the remaining balance
  • 4 extractions (not covered by overall cost from GSO): $442
    • I have dental insurance and while it won’t help with orthodontic treatment (the braces), it does still cover part of these extractions because I have a referral from the orthodontist and it’s not the orthodontist doing it (I hope that makes sense)
    • The cost of getting simple extractions done (with insurance!!) is SIGNIFICANTLY cheaper if you have it done by a dentist instead of an oral surgeon (averaging about $12-$20/tooth)
    • I wanted to have an oral surgeon do it because it’s a little more invasive than your regular cavity or teeth cleaning

Does my mouth hurt? Yes. The first week is probably the worst and you should stick to a liquid diet.

  • applesauce
  • pudding
  • soup
  • smoothies
  • yogurt
  • oatmeal

How do I relieve the pain?

  • over the counter pain killers can be effective
  • ice pack to the affected area
  • warm salt water rinse
  • Dental wax (you normally get this for free from your Ortho)
  • Orthodots
  • Gishy Goo
  • Bumpers

Why I Hate Drinking Water

Water is good for us and we need water to survive- I know this. With that being said, I hate drinking water.

I hate drinking water because in its purest form it has no taste. I don’t like to add flavor to it because that’s extra sugar that I don’t need.

I hate drinking water because I hate carrying around a water bottle. A water bottle is the only way that I will regularly drink water throughout the day.

I hate drinking water because I hate peeing. Going to the bathroom, in general, has always felt like such a hassle to me. I’ve always been a “go-go-go person” and when I focus on a task, I am IN IT. When I feel that urge to use the bathroom, it breaks all concentration and forces me to completely disengage from the task at hand.

The worst part about drinking water is when you drink it past a certain time in the evening and then you are awakened by your bladder at the most ungodly of hours only to be forced to crawl out of your warm burrito and sit on the icy porcelain throne.

This post really has no huge point, I just wanted to share my hatred of drinking water with you all.

Thanks for stopping by!

But What is a “Date”?

My girlfriend’s sister brought up an interesting question the other day: Why don’t Chelsea and I go out on dates? I suppose that’s what it seems like- that we don’t “date”. I would say the opposite, though.

After thinking about it and talking with Chelsea about it, I’ve concluded that we do date. We may not go out, but we make time for each other.

Both of our love languages are Quality Time, so it doesn’t require us leaving the house or spending money to have that fulfilled.

I do enjoy going out occasionally, but I don’t need to go out in order to feel like we’re being “productive” as a couple in the world of dating.

Here are some favorite ways that I like to spend time with my partner:

  • Watching movies and TV shows together
  • Cooking/baking together
  • Eating my cereal on the toilet while she brushes her teeth
  • Walking together to the mailbox [almost] every evening
  • Carpooling to the grocery store, events, my parent’s house, friend’s houses, etc.
  • Eating meals together

It doesn’t take much for me to feel happy in my relationship. Neither of us care for elaborate plans and as long as we’re together, anything can feel like quality time.

What’s your love language and how do you make sure your needs are met? How do you make sure your partner’s needs are met?

Story-time: I hate the dentist.

This blog post is to unite all those who wander the earth who also despise going to the dentist’s office over all other doctor’s appointments.

I went to the dentist in on May 8, 2019. I was told that I didn’t have any cavities, so I went on my merry way.

I visited the orthodontist on August 23, 2019 and decided that I would go on with orthodontic treatment. They gave me a form to fill out by my regular dentist to clear me for said treatment.

There was so much back and forth between my old dentist, my new dentist, and my orthodontist and long story short, I did not get that paper signed. I postponed my ortho appointment.

I cut ties with my old dentist because they were very unprofessional and I started seeing a new one.

Seeing as I have to get the wire from the braces removed before getting a regular cleaning, I figured that it’d be best to do the cleaning a few weeks early so I could start the ortho treatment and not have to get the wire removed the next week already.

So I visited my new dentist on November 22, 2019. They were lovely people, but they told me that I had 7 cavities. I have NEVER had that many in my life combined.

My dentist asked me if I floss and when did I last go to the dentist? I said I was there literally 6 months prior and was told that they were fine. He said they lied or they just don’t know what they’re doing.

I had the left side of my mouth worked on last week (during my Thanksgiving Break *sad face*) and I got the right side of my mouth done today.

In the middle of filling the cavities, my dentist informed me that I had ANOTHER cavity!!!???

So, my message to everyone is to just brush your teeth as you’re supposed to and don’t forget to floss. ALL of my cavities were between my teeth because flossing bores me and I’d really rather not, but that has changed now.

Floss!!