Something I am comfortable with…

If you’ve read my previous posts on my blog, you will probably have come to conclusion that I don’t have the closest relationship with my father. It’s not a terrible relationship, but it definitely has room for improvement; however, I think I have given up most hope for having the relationship with him that I really want.

To make a long story short, my father has expressed nothing but unconditional love for me and my sister throughout our lives, and I am most grateful for that. The main thing that bugs me the most about our relationship is that I feel it is very “surface level”.

I have a recent example:

My father has social media accounts where he voices his political opinions. There was one video where he mentioned that his 2 daughters were “flaming liberals”. There was another trend type video where parents say the one thing they wish were different about their children, and my father’s answer was agreeing with someone else that his girls are liberals as well. So, when I saw these videos, I couldn’t help but shake my head and laugh because while I do hold many liberal views, I do not hold solely liberal views. Any of my friends who know me and how I see the world, know this about me. My father clearly does not know me or my worldview.

The point of this blog post is that I think I have reached a point where I am content with having a surface level relationship with him. When we visit, he asks me how work is and I ask him if he’s talked to my grandmother recently. He asks how my fiancé is doing and I ask him how his new job is going as well. The only thing we have in common is a general enjoyment of going to the gun range and being equally concerned with my sister’s ever-changing life choices.

I used to really yearn for a deeper relationship with my dad, and I know that is what he wants as well, but with everything else in my life, and other factors, I just do not have the motivation or energy to put into this task, so I’ve become content with what it is. That’s all.

5/12/2020

Final grades were released today for the Spring 2020 semester. I am pleased; I got two A’s and two B’s. My GPA increased by .2, which means I will not be losing my Hope Scholarship.

I am still working from home and my employer still has no plans to reopen. It’s just too risky. We’re a tiny company as it is, so if one of us got sick and we were in the office, well, there’s a high chance the other nine of us would also be infected and we just can’t have 100% of the company out.

I have cut down on the amount that I am baking. I weighed myself recently and while I am not upset with my appearance, I didn’t like that I had gained 10 pounds. I’d rather gain 10 pounds of muscle, but you don’t get abs from eating cake and brownies. Things to work on I guess.

My hammock stand arrived today. It’s actually still in the mail room, but I’m about to go get it. Currently, I have the hammock hung on two doors, but doors were’t meant to hold people.

I have some lemon-jam-to-be on the stove. It needs to boil another 5 minutes or so and then it needs to cool off for a few hours. I just had so many lemons and I didn’t want them to go to waste like the last batch. The reason I keep lemons on hand is because they’re great for soothing a sore throat when mixed with honey and water, AND they actually get rid of any nausea, which I have more than most people for no particular reason.

My partner and I have acquired an air-fryer because I can’t eat fried [in oil] foods without throwing up later that night and I am IMPRESSED! We were able to make lumpia, a Filipino spring roll, as well as french fries and fried chicken! Win, win, win!

I have slept really well the past two nights and I don’t want to say it’s been purely chance. I’m trying to think about the things I’ve been doing differently, but I really can’t think of anything. Well, I did consume peach wine the past two nights, but it’s not like it knocked me out or anything- it is actually advertised as having a lower alcohol content than other wines this particular brand makes…

I’ve been trying to drink more water, eat more fruits, eat less sugar (I’m referring to my baking), and get outside (with a mask of course) a few times per week to a local park. All of these things are part of living more healthy and could positively influence my sleeping cycle… There is also the fact that school is currently done for the semester, so I don’t have that stress on me.

I don’t know, man. I hope this good sleep continues. I hope everyone is staying inside still and wearing masks if they go out! I’m still trying to master bread-making, so I’ll keep ya’ll posted on that.