Something I am comfortable with…

If you’ve read my previous posts on my blog, you will probably have come to conclusion that I don’t have the closest relationship with my father. It’s not a terrible relationship, but it definitely has room for improvement; however, I think I have given up most hope for having the relationship with him that I really want.

To make a long story short, my father has expressed nothing but unconditional love for me and my sister throughout our lives, and I am most grateful for that. The main thing that bugs me the most about our relationship is that I feel it is very “surface level”.

I have a recent example:

My father has social media accounts where he voices his political opinions. There was one video where he mentioned that his 2 daughters were “flaming liberals”. There was another trend type video where parents say the one thing they wish were different about their children, and my father’s answer was agreeing with someone else that his girls are liberals as well. So, when I saw these videos, I couldn’t help but shake my head and laugh because while I do hold many liberal views, I do not hold solely liberal views. Any of my friends who know me and how I see the world, know this about me. My father clearly does not know me or my worldview.

The point of this blog post is that I think I have reached a point where I am content with having a surface level relationship with him. When we visit, he asks me how work is and I ask him if he’s talked to my grandmother recently. He asks how my fiancé is doing and I ask him how his new job is going as well. The only thing we have in common is a general enjoyment of going to the gun range and being equally concerned with my sister’s ever-changing life choices.

I used to really yearn for a deeper relationship with my dad, and I know that is what he wants as well, but with everything else in my life, and other factors, I just do not have the motivation or energy to put into this task, so I’ve become content with what it is. That’s all.

Halloweenies

Howdy. Time for an update, I suppose. I went back to therapy for a few weeks, but I’m done again; part of me feels like this round was a waste of time… some of it was helpful, yes, but in the past few sessions I was bored and that is normally a sign that I feel that I’ve gotten all the help I can.

In the meantime, I’ve been taking ASL lessons from a wonderful and funny human who is actually from my city, but they are currently studying in Korea. I learned the ASL alphabet when I was in elementary school (not in school, but from books I found on my own in library). A few years later, my sister was very close with a girl who was hard-of-hearing, so me and her learned more ASL then. Like many people, I was hooked on the show Switched at Birth and picked up what I could from the ASL used. When I joined AmeriCorps NCCC in 2018, I had a deaf supervisor and learned even more. Now, I believe I would like to be fluent in ASL and use it in my HR career.

Speaking of my career, I have also been considering getting my SHRM-CP certification. Because I have a Bachelor’s degree, plus 2.5 years of HR experience, I can take it next spring for about $475 (cheaper, if I do the “early-bird” option and if I become a member… which I have been considering doing anyway). I think I am going to take the certification in early May of next year; that will give me plenty of time to prepare.

I baked a carrot cake yesterday, and I’ve made one before, but this one did not turn out very good. Taste-wise, it is fine, but the density is that of a block of cheese. I slapped some icing on the top and ate it, but I will do better next time. I also made some flax cookies that are repeats, but those turned out bad as well. I hope that my next recipe, pumpkin cinnamon rolls, turns out better.