Choice.

6/24/2021 9:00AM

My friend, who I have previously written about, is currently in the ICU. I don’t actually know if he is dead or alive right now because the doctors were not too confident about him making it through the night.

My friend is an alcoholic and has been one for decades. His father died because of alcoholism and the complications of it as well, just a few years ago.

I was planning on visiting him in the hospital this morning, but his mother said not to come and that he doesn’t have long. She said that he does not know anything and that we should remember him as we always did. I am a little disappointed, but I understand her feelings.

6/24/2021 3:40PM

I had to leave my computer to go to my grandparents’ house for a bit. While I was there I got the phone call that my friend had passed away around noon.

While he was my friend, he was also somewhat of a father figure. I had actually bought him a Father’s Day Card, but he had already been admitted to the hospital by that time.

The title of the blog post is “Choice.” because one thing Todd, my friend, taught me was the most powerful thing in the world is choice- our ability as people to choose. I feel like I live by a similar saying, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” (Eleanor Roosevelt), so the addition of the power of choice seemed natural.

I will miss Todd, obviously, but I feel like I have been missing him for several months now. I got the phone call back in January first, when his roommate said his drinking was the worst its ever been. Every call after that was concerning the same and things did not improve.

I feel good about our last phone conversation, though. We spoke last on June 1, 2021 at 11:54am for 19 minutes and 10 seconds. I updated him on my life, and that I had graduated and that I was looking forward to him being able to see my house that I just bought with my fiancé. I told him that I loved him and that we would talk soon.

I do feel like I should have called more and visited more, but I am sure everyone feels that way. I don’t have regrets, I only wish that he had sought help sooner. I wanted him to be there for my wedding, and he said, “don’t worry, I’ll be there”, but I suppose now it will be in a different form.

I think his death saddens me because it was completely preventable. Alcoholism is no joke and it does kill. I also can’t imagine the things that went through his mind or heart to make him feel like alcohol was the answer and also that once it got too late, that he felt like he could not tell anyone. He lied about his alcoholism right up until the second to last visit. Then, he finally started referring to it a bit more.

Yes, I am sad, but I am also happy to know that his body is not in torment anymore. I am not sure what is after death, but I hope he enjoys himself. He’s got a brother and a father that crossed over before him, so there is that as well. I’m not much of a football fan, but I guess I will have to see a UGA game in his honor some time. Go dawgs!

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