Easy to Get, Hard to Keep

The title of this post is one of the ways of how I would describe myself in romantic relationships/interactions. I have a long history of being the heartbreaker in relationships even if I was the one who initially sought out the other person.

I don’t know if there is one specific reason as to why I always am the person who ends things. Without insulting the people that I have been with, I think that maybe I got bored. I also know that I oftentimes got annoyed.

I have always felt like I was the more “mentally stable” person in the relationship. The first few people I dated has issues they did not want to address. The last person I dated took an initiative to better themselves for themselves. In both instances, I did feel like I was emotionally supporting both myself and the person I was dating. It was very draining.

This post isn’t meant to diss the people I’ve dated. I think it’s my fault for 1. getting involved and 2. letting things go as far as they did before I ended it. I also don’t wish to erase all the wonderful moments that happened in those previous relationships. While they were very complex, they all had simple moments of joy and love scattered throughout.

The main difference I have noticed within myself now and the me from back then is a willingness to be more vulnerable because it feels safe to do so. Because the woman that I am currently dating is in a mentally secure place, I feel okay to voice even the most minuscule of complaints or concerns. Before, I felt like I couldn’t mention any sort of “hardship” to my partner because it was always so incomparable to what they were experiencing.

I normally feel the urge to end things rather quickly in relationships, but I suppress the action and stay for the sake of being loyal and giving the whole thing a true try. So far, I have not felt this with Chelsea. I don’t want our time to end. I don’t want to run from this.

So, in conclusion, I feel that I have entered a very healthy relationship and I look forward to seeing how it continues on.

What’s the “right amount of time” anyway?

Many articles, people, and even licensed therapists recommend to wait at least 3 months after meeting/dating someone to put a label on the relationship. I, too, have followed this rule in my previous relationships, but this one feels quite different.

After having only known her for 3 weeks, I was ready to call her mine. I’m not normally so bold, but this just felt SO different and so right.

Well, it’s been 6 weeks now, and I have restrained myself from bringing up the conversation. I’ve decided to wait another 2 weeks. Maybe 3. My heart is sure, but my mind is still cautious. I also want to be respectful and cautious of her emotions and feelings towards that.

I had a long conversation with a friend about what I’m currently feeling towards Chelsea and she told me to “jump in”. She knows how cautious and how guarded I normally am, so my enthusiasm and quick attraction/attachment to this person was quite out of the ordinary for me.

As you all know, I have also been in therapy and that has also given me the courage to live my life more vulnerably- especially when it comes to love. I haven’t had the best examples of romantic love (my parents and my own relationships were not ideal exemplifications). When I met Chelsea, everything about her felt so foreign (in only the best of ways), it was like a lightbulb went off, “Oh, THIS is what it’s supposed to feel like!”

So, currently, things are still going really great. I’m so incredibly happy when Chelsea and I spend time together. I feel like I’m being 100% my authentic self and I don’t have to “act” or fake anything. It’s truly fantastic.