The title of this post is just a little message for anyone who thinks they can label anyone other than themselves.
I am a lesbian. I came out when I was roughly 13 or 14. I dated only women until I had something of an identity crisis and decided to date (and sleep with) a man for 8 months. It was actually a great relationship, but at the end of the day, I was gay and didn’t want to marry or continue a romantic relationship with him. I broke his heart and I felt like shit for it, trust me.
I ended things almost 2 years ago, but when I came back from my service year this May, I hit him up to see if he was down for something casual. He said yes, so a week later I drove down to his house and we had sex.
It. Was. Awful.
When we were dating, the sex was amazing. He is an amazing human being. He is so sweet and optimistic and he cares about his family and friends. He’s passionate about rebuilding cars and building his own empire.
I guess I got too much in my head and remembered that I broke his fucking heart and that I wasn’t here to date him again, I was here to only get this sudden need for sex out of my system.
I realized, once again, that I am quite gay. I wanted a woman. I thought hooking up with a man would be easy and fun, but it is not quite so when you’re not 100% sexually attracted to him.
Well, here we are, about 1 month later and he is hitting me up for some “one on one” time. I had to tell him that I couldn’t make time for that. The truth is I could have if I wanted to. But I don’t want to. His response was “cool”, but I know that it was the angry/disappointed/how-can-you-hit-me-up-but-not-say-yes-when-I-hit-you-up kind of “cool”.
I feel guilty and I know I shouldn’t. I can feel bad that I might have led him on, but because we are not an item and never made official plans to do it more than once, I can’t really be that irked.
The moral of this story is have sex with people you are attracted to. This story also serves to remind you to communicate openly with those you “interact” with. Make sure everyone is on the same page and that feelings don’t get hurt because of a miscommunication.
Thanks for tuning in!