The struggle is quite real when it comes to femme invisibility. As a more feminine presenting lesbian (75% of the time, I’d say), I am often presumed to be straight. This makes dating/meeting people interesting because it often puts me in the position to be the one to make the first move because other women may not always see me as a potential mate.
It also gives me privilege. I “look” straight. I “look” Christian. I can visit my family down south and not have anyone question my physical appearance or mannerisms. I can use the bathrooms I want to without a second glance from others already in there. I don’t normally get called a dyke or lesbo unless I happen to be with a partner.
I recognize the aspect of privilege when it comes to being mostly feminine presenting; however, I want to talk more about the frustrations because they are issues that I have dealt with and that I continue to deal with.
As a “chapstick & part time lipstick lesbian”- contrary to what the media likes to advertise- I don’t find myself super attracted to super masculine presenting women. I’m not opposed to dating them, but they’re not normally who I “swipe right” on.
I like women. I like curves. I like boobs. I like dresses. I like long hair. I like girly women. I think I also like women who are like me: kind of in between, go with the flow, can wear a dress or a suit and feel damn good no matter what she’s wearing. I like fashion fluidity.
It’s funny that I talk about the struggles of not being able to properly advertise myself physically as a lesbian because it’s not like I’m that much better at picking out more feminine lesbians myself. I will admit that I believe in gaydar 100% and I think mine is in pretty good shape.
I rely on eye contact and a woman’s walk a lot. That’s just me.
In all seriousness, femme invisibility is a thing, yes, but it doesn’t keep me up at night. I think other lesbians also need to be more accepting of lipsticks because they’re not all straight girls in disguise looking for an experiment. Be more optimistic when approaching a feminine presenting woman.